The Andrew Saga

The saga of Andrew is a tale few have heard in full but yet still merits mention here. Andrew's sayonara party was actually last weekend, that's where these pictures are from. Sorry to be late guys.

Andrew Tiberius Wright was born on ::this section Classified:: in the Australian town of ::deleted:: to parents ::deleted:: Wright and ::deleted:: Wright. Growing up, the young Andrew showed great promise in the field of English instruction, auto theft, rolling as well as the art of wooing Japanese women. Unfortunately for him, the Aussie-Mexican War would put his dreams on hold. Andrew, like many of his generation, was drafted into the Army and joined the elite 69^th Airborne Paratrooper Regiment.

Andrew distinguished himself on the field in the Battle of Byron Bay, where he single handedly defeated an entire platoon of the feared enemy Chimmichunga corps and cleared the way for the capturing of the Mexican Destroyer El Burro.

Later on, Andrew was given field command of the 69^th when his commander was killed by an enemy sniper. The 69^th continued with their mission to destroy three enemy SAM sites on the western Yucatan coast and then lead the charge into Mexico City, Andrew himself securing President Bell and ending the six year conflict.

Andrew returned home to find Australia a changed place, the war had been unpopular at home and war heroes, like himself, were shunned instead of venerated. Alienated and alone, his family having been killed in the atom bombing of Sydney, Andrew struggled to find himself as he went through job after job. This proved futile as he discovered that he was unsuited for Carpentry, Paleontology, Massage Therapy, Erotic Dance, Endocrinology, the Culinary Arts, Aviation, Engineering, Meteorology, Horticulture, Management, Neurobiology, Mathematics, Cryptology, Real Estate, Masonry, Interior Design, Mechanics, Graphic Design, Editing, Writing, Ballet, Horticulture again, Journalism, the Hospitality industry, Security, Telemarketing, Iridology, Hungarian Pre-History, Pharmacology, Immunology, Epidemiology, Macro-molecular Chemistry and Garbage Collection.

Struggling to make a new life for himself, Andrew tried one career after another until he met the woman who changed his life and would be his future bride ::deleted::. After a passionate affair, she was then married to his former commander, the two married and left Australia for the sunny shores of the land of the rising sun. Andrew quickly found himself at home teaching business English to Japanese businessmen, at ::deleted::, with no life left in their bodies. He also found a niche as a surveyor for future locations of Family Marts.

Over ::deleted:: years, and one son, later Andrew's life would collapse around him as he was framed and implicated in the Great Bentenchou Armored Car Heist of '05. As all the readers of this site know the details I won't waste space here. Andrew was unfortunate enough to have the controversial lawyer ::deleted:: successfully play the gaijin card in court and secure him a suspended sentence. He finally tied up his loose ends and finished his last night at the Old Town hangout of CitaCita, thought he felt himself being shadowed by a possible assassin under the disguise of a Japanese fellow teacher. With his affairs in order, he boarded a plane and has not been seen since in Japan.

Goodbye good friend, you will be missed. Safe journey.

Wisdom of the Day: Don't name your elite corps Chimmichunga